perspective

I have a girlfriend who has recently lost a significant amount of weight.  I don't know how much.  I wouldn't even take a guess.
She lost it in a very healthy manner. Diet and exercise.  She exercised her ASS off.  She looks great.  And I'm hesitant to say that because I in no way want to imply that she did not look great before.  I'm super sensitive when it comes to complimenting weight gain, weight loss, etc. I try and avoid commenting on it.
This friend and I were chatting on the phone one day and she mentioned quite excitedly that she was trying on clothes and she was a size 6.
I had an incredible moment of clarity.
I have been spending the last few weeks going through old clothes.  Clothes that I have not fit into in years but have been unable to part with until now.
Having Rocco has changed how I treat my body and how I see myself.  Some would argue that I am still pretty preoccupied with how I look.  But I have done a tremendous amount of work in therapy and recovery.  I love working out and challenging my body.  I am proud of my muscles.  Accepting of my cellulite.  Powerless over my chin.
Over the last 5 or 6 years I have been eating.  Cycling. Squatting.  I had a baby.  I turned 36. I stopped throwing up.  I stopped smoking.  I have stuffed my face shamelessly with ice cream, empanadas, hunks of cheese, mayonnaise, and Krause's chocolate.
I have held up jeans that I know will not fit me.  But for some reason feel like I need to try them on just in case.  I can hardly get my calf in them.
I have been slowly been adding to my wardrobe.  I need new pants!  And I have been bitching and moaning that I am now a size 6.  I don't even bother trying on clothes any smaller when I am shopping.  Come to terms with it, Kelli.  Size 1 and 2 are a thing of the past.  You are not 21 anymore.
I have to remember that there are people out there working really hard to fit into a smaller size.
And in some ways I guess I have been working hard, too.  I wouldn't say I've been working on getting bigger.  But I have been working on taking care of myself.  And loving my body.  Being more than just a body.  And this is the end result.
A size 6.
For now...